Real Life

I love  watching the rain here because 1st it's relaxing to me and 2nd it reminds me that Somedays are not always "Sunshine." I think those days are the ones at the end I'm most grateful for my Faith *side note: that's something I'm really working on my Faith. Really having answers for why I believe what I believe* for My God and for the different perspective he gives me during those hard times. This week, which is only three days in has been tough. Sunday night I got sick. I'm calling it the fever of death. Maybe I'm over dramatic, but, it wasn't fun. Tuesday I felt better. Today, well, let's just say my tummy hates me. I miss home and my mama, but, love my family here. Today I prayed that God would help me to pray, not worry and complain. I still however complained a little today. I went to this little coffee shop, I'm convinced coffee shops are the best places on earth. I sat down. One of the baristas came over and let me know they'd missed seeing me(and by the way I love that bc it makes me feel at home) We talked about cold brew coffee, cocktails, and how much we love Jesus. It was one of those inspiring talks where you focus on Faith and what it looks like to you, why you believe what you believe. Church, what it looks like to you. Religion vs relationship. How were called to love everyone, everyone. Not just the easy to love, but the hard to love. The rich, the poor, the drunkards, the widows, the orphans, the humble, the brats, everyone. We're not here to judge but to love and live a life that shows your love. To do. Not to sit back and say we should help others but go help them. It was a good chat. I left feeling inspired and thankful for my God and my Faith. For the fact that God always answers prayers. Especially the little desperate ones. I feel pretty exhausted today, but, that's life and I wouldn't trade mine for anyone else's! ❤️

Love Well

I use to make plans. I would plan everything and then get upset when something fell through because it wasn't in the plan. Let me tell you planning is not an easy habit to break. I understand that some things  require plans, but, the majority of life doesn't. The happiest I've been is when I just let life unfold and take every winding path as it comes, one step at a time.  Everyday I wake up with absolutely no plan. Just a goal, to love well. Somedays - this goal becomes more of a challenge. Its not always easy to love. I think that's why Jesus is constantly reminding us to "love others" because He knew that somedays we want to keep all that love locked up in the ugly, selfish part of our hearts. Those days my friends are the days you have to pause and pray and ask God to pour his love out of you. 

These last two weeks have been incredibly challenging for me. Situations have came up where it's not been the easiest to love. It's been hard. Then you know those times when you just want to talk to your mom and you can't. 1. Because you're  in Africa, staying out in the village for a few days with no internet and sharing a room with a dozen rats. (Which is another story for another day) 2. When you get back to town, Uganda has shut down all social media. 3. Your iMessages quit working. 4. You know your mom doesn't check her email often and it may be next year before she replies! 😉

So what is there left to do? Cry... and more importantly pray. What I'm realizing are those times when I find it the hardest to love, the hardest to have real joy, the hardest to just do life, I don't need to go to anyone to "talk it out."  I just have to go to God. He is my comfort, my strength and my joy. He is the source of all my love. He is always there loving me and helping me do life. Wanting me to take that same love He freely gives me, even on those days when I'm not easy to love, out to others. How thankful I am that God loves me and hears all my prayers, even the ones where i don't know what to say. Im thankful He keeps me loving well.

 

Today Was A Good Day

Wow! It's already been one week since I arrived to my favorite place in the whole world. Where the roads are covered in red dirt, the matooke grows everywhere, chapattis are sold at every corner and I don’t wear shoes half the time I’m here… Uganda, the place that has my heart. I’ve heard the phrase “Home is where the Heart is” my whole life. I never fully understood it until just last Saturday though. As we neared the rolling hills and beautiful forests of Fort Portal that phrase came into my mind and all I could think was, “Wow, I get it!” I feel at home, just like I feel in my own room back in small town, middle of nowhere, Kansas.  

Jet lag kicked by butt the first few days. Sleep would come about 3-4am, then, it would be wakey wakey time! What made it easy to get out of bed was the little alarm clocks outside my window, yes, outside my window – not your typical alarm clock either – a little boy full of energy who is trying to keep baby Zoe entertained why everyone sleeps…or doesn’t sleep…”Waaaake up…waaaake up its time for everyone to waaaaake up… *hushed tones* Zoe, knock on Auntie Kaylas window *knock, knock, knock* AUNTIE KAYLA  ITS TIME TO WAKE UP!” haha I’m pretty sure that has to start your day off right.

Something I’m learning is you can’t capture the pure joy of a moment in a picture, because, you have to stop, grab the phone, turn it on, unlock it, find the camera app, take a picture, and by then, the moment is gone. Believe me, I’ve tried. A picture doesn’t capture the legit dance parties like the one we had tonight well. Too blurry – just like my memories during the time of trying to take the photo, blurry!  I’m learning to just be present. Take in the smiles and hugs; remember the little laughs and the crazy dance moves. Ah, Rose has her own signature move now…its kind of a cross between a bird trying to fly and an Irish jig. Yeah, just try to figure that one out and it still looked cooler than any of mine. My hips don’t lie when it comes to dancing, I missed out on every. single. dancing. gene. possible. Sorry, back to what I’m learning… Just enjoy the moment and be present.

Pictures can be deleted but the smiles and laughter embedded in your heart can’t be erased.  Today was by far one of the best days here yet and in the words of sweet Rose “Today was a good day”

2015: The Year I Hit Rock Bottom

Hitting rock bottom can turn out to the best thing that has ever happened to you if you just “give up.” Give up your pain, your hurt, your anger, your loneliness, your struggles and let God take control.

During the part of 2015 where I literally had that hitting rock bottom experience. I had a very good friend of mine tell me this…

 “Think about your life, how you want it to be in the future. All the people you’ll touch, all the good you’ll bring to the world. Find what really makes you happy and passionate and chase it! Find your dream, fall in love with your dream, love yourself, and God will take care of the rest.”

That challenged me. Not at first. At first all I could see was right then. I was hurt. I was angry. I was sad. I didn’t know what I wanted from life. But over the course of the year I figure it out.

I wanted to write this so it painted a beautiful story and scene in your mind but I came to the conclusion just a plain old list would be better. It’s a list that is not even worded well. My English teach would be sad to see all these incomplete sentences. But here it is.

 

2015, you’ve taught me a lot…

Heartbreaks will heal so don’t be afraid to Love with all you have

I re-found my passion

Never give up on my dream.

 I love youth ministry

 “Be Still and Know that I am God”

Crying is ok

Sometimes the friends I need the most, live right next door

Invest my time with others

 

Jesus is the best

Be present

 

Love big

My identity is found in Christ

Life is too short to stress

Live life with confidence

Take time to listen and find out peoples’ stories

Friends come in ALL ages

Beauty isn’t about your physical appearance it’s about your heart

Strength isn’t JUST about how much you can lift, it’s about how strong your relationship with Jesus is

Family is important

Time is something you never can get back

Be my crazy self

Thank you Jesus and 2015 for shaping me into who I am.  

Maybe this post is more for me. TO remember, to look back and to see that this past year I let go of my life and let God take control.

“Think about your life, how you want it to be in the future. All the people you’ll touch, all the good you’ll bring to the world. Find what really makes you happy and passionate and chase it! Find your dream, fall in love with your dream, love yourself, and God will take care of the rest.”

If you haven’t found who you are and what you’re passionate about find it over 2016 friend!

Find it at the beginning. Dream it. Chase it. Live it. Own it. And Love Big.

 

 

Africa, Kiddos and Christmas

Eeeeek! 3 weeks till I leave on my next adventure!


Something I love about traveling alone is meeting people in the airports and on my flights. Call me crazy, but, I love talking to strangers! :)

 In September, coming home from Uganda, I met one of the “lost boys” from Sudan! He had an incredible story and I loved visiting with him.

I hung out with a fellow barista in the Entebbe airport and watched him do a little latte art for me!

 

I met a Nigerian lady who had been competing in Beijing and was now traveling back to her home in the states! We talked about African food for a good 30mins standing in the line waiting to go through security.

In Amsterdam I met a team coming back from loving on some sweet Uganda children. I then ran into them again in the Minneapolis airport where they insisted I line hop so I could get through customs and not miss my flight!

Also, huge shout out to the lady two seats down on my second, 8 hour flight, who gave me Dramamine! Who forgets they get motion sickness?? This girl!

I’m excited to see what new friends I make! Hurry up January 14^th!!!

This past Friday was my last day working at the coffee shop. Some people don’t understand why I would quit so early because I already have no money… (if you want to help me with that situation click here https://www.gofundme.com/hs78yvp4 ) Here’s why though. 3 of my favorite people are on Christmas break and I want them to know that I love them just as much as the kiddos I’m going to stay with over the next few months.

Let me just tell you a little bit about these dudes.

Lauren

 She is 9 and going on 25! For real. Some day’s I forget that she’s not my age. I’m 100% sure my life would be extremely boring if I wasn’t her babysitter – actually I know that’s true because the weeks I don’t have her after school I’m like, Hmm what do I even do with my life right now…. We love going on coffee dates, playing at the park and having dance parties. She is honestly like a little sister and one of my best friends.

Aden

 

He is 6. I’m pretty sure he is smarter than I am. Reasoning: At a petting zoo I pointed out the llama that I wanted to go pet and he informed that it was an Alpaca, after arguing with him for a couple mins I realize, oh yeah, that’s an Alpaca….

Addi

 

She is 5. Addi loves her dresses, super heroes and African animals. I love when she goes “Kaywa, can I wook at your Afwica pictures pwease?”? Addi is always asking me to take her to Africa with me! One of these days Addi girl, one of these days! J

I will miss these kiddos lots while I’m gone.

Other than the fact I love these guys, I think I may enjoy watching them because I get to wear sweats all day, watch old Disney movies and relive my childhood. It’s the best.They’re some of the sweetest kids ever.

One more thing, Christmas is this week!  

Can I just tell you guys something!? Christmas time is my favorite. I love every single thing about it! Even the snow – when we get it.

 One of my favorite parts about Christmas is celebrating Jesus’ birthday with my family, both sides!

 I love how we don’t focus so much on the gifts but more on Jesus, each other and the food…especially the food! My mom’s side has a whole facebook group and right now the news feed is just what were bringing to eat – no joke.  ;)  

Sometimes though, I take for granted the family I have. It makes my heart so sad to think some kids don’t have that family.

They don’t get to wake up every Christmas morning and have their parents read them the Christmas story.

They don’t get to feel the warm fuzzy feeling you use to get when your grandma hugged you and told you she loved you.

They don’t get to eat all the food they want until they’re so full they couldn’t eat another bite.

They don’t have this.

Some of them don’t even have Jesus.

They have nothing.

This makes my heart hurt. It makes me realize how thankful I am. How loved I am. It reminds me to keep loving people and showing them Jesus.

So this Christmas remember to show Gods love and make someone smile!

Embrace the Unknown

I think about how happy my heart is, yet how extremely heavy it is. I sit here staring at my Christmas lights and messy room because it’s midnight and I can’t sleep. I think about how 5:00am is just around the corner, I think about how excited I am for Africa, but how sad am that my friends will not be joining me due to funds.  It breaks my heart, not so much the going alone part, but for the RUJA kiddos who look forward to “Uncle Andrew” coming to see them. It literally rips my heart out thinking of Alex (9), crying last August when our team left. It makes me want to cry thinking about him crying… But you know what? I still have this little ounce of faith that something could change, that a ticket could be provided.  I also realize I have to face the hard truth that It might not. Honestly it scares me a little bit…why? Because it’s not what we “planned.” I plan. I make to do lists. I lose them. I make them again. Then lose them again…. But, I always have a plan….and that plan I thought we had for January, well, it changed. That part that scares me is the unknown.  But something God has slowly been showing me these last few days is to embrace the unknown. Be excited about the unknown, because your plans? Well they can always change. J

 

 I went around my small town today asking for donations for my trip. I went into a paint shop and they sent me next door to a hair salon. So I walked in… “Hi I’m Kayla….” And then the next thing I know, the generic spiel is out of the way, then, instead of the normal, “ok, here is a little something...” it turns into just a real conversation with this lady who I’ve only known for about 2mins. She tells me how she has always admired people like me…how she has always wanted to do something like this but something always held her back…not the money or the time but the fear. The fear of the unknown. Wow. I told her the same thing I’ve been telling myself “Embrace the Unknown” After talking for a while, she gave me a donation, it was a heartfelt one, the kind that mean the most. She didn’t do it for a tax write off, she didn’t do it because she thought people would praise her for it, she simply gave a stranger $100 just because she cared. I walked out of that hair salon, with eyes full of tears and a heart full of gratitude and humility; I got in my car and just sat there for a min thanking God for all he’s been doing for me.

 

Something I’ve been learning is share your story. Share what’s on your heart! This morning before I went around town, I had group of older ladies come into the coffee shop I work at. They come in about once a month. Last month they all gave me a little donation. Some could only afford  $1. But that to me is just as awesome as $1,000 simply because they care. They care to pray for this 24year old girl they only see once a month. Who some of them don’t even remember my name but they remember my passion. Today when they came in I was pumped. As I shared with one of the ladies how God provided for me to purchase my plane ticket,  she grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes “I will pray for you, and I want you to have this…” she pulled out $2 from her purse… “I know it’s not much, but I pray that God will multiple it for you…”  And you know what he did? He multiplied it over and over again. I also have complete faith that he will keep multiplying those two dollars. I literally would be here all day if I were to tell about everyone who has support it me financially and with prayers…It blows my mind. I can’t fathom how many thousands and thousands of dollars my friends, family, and even complete strangers have given me with all the trips I’ve taken to Uganda. But with every trip I take, and with every new day that comes. I see how much God cares. How he puts these people in my life to encourage me. To support me.  To pray for me. To help me remember how blessed I am.

My Heart is Full

I use to only pray when I needed something and I would pray once. It would usually be a quick prayer with a bunch of big words that I’m not 100% sure I knew what they even meant. Then I would wonder “why is God not answering this” or I would get frustrated and think “why do my prayers not work?” “why do people always say pray about? It’s not like it’s really working for me.” Then instead of continuing to talk to God about things I would just rely on other peoples prayers and hope that would work for me. It wasn’t up until really this last summer I finally got it. It didn’t happen right away. I for sure did NOT wake up one morning and think “Today is the day I will make prayer real in my life, today is the day I’ll make Jesus my best friend, my go to.” It was more a process of failing, hitting rock bottom, and then slowly turning to God for help.

I would have a couple days in row where I felt really good about my prayer life, then I would have a couple weeks that were awesome! Then, my life would get all sorts of crazy, I’d get stressed and get my panties all in a wad and instead of praying I would usually end up thinking. “ Great. I hate life. I hate work. People drive me crazy and you sir, yes you, at Wal-Mart in aisle 10 you’re looking at me wrong and taking too long to pick your cereal! Move so I can get some captain crunch and eat my feelings away…”  Then of course everything would calm down my life would be going great again and I would be like, “Yeah I got this all together. Thanks God..."

I think when I started to see a little change in my prayer life was right before I went to Africa this last August.  My friend, Andrew was telling our team that while we were in Uganda we were going to really just talk to God, ask him to direct our days and show us what to do. I remember thinking “yeah, you’re crazy. We need a plan.” But then I also remember thinking “I guess that makes sense, who am I to tell God what I’m going to do for Him while I’m in Africa?” THEN I remember starting to pray a little more. I remember thinking to myself. “Um what if God doesn’t talk to me… What if they think I’m not a good little Christian...” Then it kinda hit me. Why does all that matter? What I need to focus on is how does God see me? I felt so small and humbled. I wanted my life to be different. I wanted Jesus to be seen in me. I wanted Him to be my friend.

 Fast forward to the trip, here I am in Africa, living life. Feeling that peace I always feel in Uganda, that overwhelming sense of closeness to God. I don’t know how to explain it but I always feel closer to God in Africa. I meet these 5 sweet kids in Uganda who turn my world upside down and show me what prayer is all about. Here is this girl who has had more hurt in her 12 year old life than I’ve had in all 24 years of mine, yet she prays with such intensity, such passion, that it brought tears to my eyes. During a service my friend Robert was preaching and had us hold hands with the person next to us and pray for them. I looked over at sweet Rose and she was pouring her heart out to God, but not for anything for herself, but for me. Wow. Talk about humbling. At that moment all I could think about was how blessed I was to be there, to experience life with such amazing people who love God.

You would think that after Uganda and all the answered prayers I saw there I would keep it up. But no, I still have those weeks where it feels like God’s not right there with me and usually a few days later I realize it wasn’t that God’s not there for me, it’s that I’m not there reaching out to God to help me. I'm there reaching out to my friends, putting all my burdens on them instead of going right to the one who wants to hear from me the most.

This past month God has brought me to me knees so much. He’s shown me that saying “hey lets prayer about it,” isn’t cliché it’s legit. It’s not easy though.  I had to realize I can’t just pray for rainbows and sunshine, I have to pray for the hard stuff too. It’s the asking God to take all of me, to make me come to Him for everything, even if that means having nothing. That was probably one of the hardest prayers for me because I knew it would require me to make changes I didn’t want to make. Do things I didn’t want to do and give people money that I thought “I needed” for myself, my own fundraising needs. But what I’m learning is, living everyday talking to God and constantly seeking him, everything really does just start to fall into place. Sometimes maybe it’s  not the exact outcome I would want but I know, I have this peace that I’m right where God wants and doing what God wants, I feel like the only way to describe how I feel is saying my heart is full…

Most of you know I’m trying to raise money to go back to Uganda in January and stay for three months. If you want to read more about “my story” or feel like God is asking you to give a donation here is a link to my go fund me page.https://www.gofundme.com/hs78yvp4